Sometimes my boss teaches classes for plumbing inspectors. He has one coming up in October and has added a new section. This time he is doing a part on communication. We have been working on getting information together on speaking and listening for this section. Today he handed me a few pieces of paper (he prefers graph paper) and told me that it was a little humor to type up. While I was typing the stuff up I was laughing and trying not to fall out of my chair. I just had to email it to myself so that I could post it and share with everyone. So have fun reading and a good laugh.
The real definition of words used by women…
1. Fine – I am right. This argument is over. You need to shut up.
2. That’s Okay – One of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. “That’s okay” means she wants to think hard and long before deciding when and how you’ll pay for your mistake.
3. Nothing – The calm before the storm. This means “Something” and you better be on your toes. Note: Arguments that start with “Nothing” usually end with fine (See #1).
4. Five Minutes – If getting dressed, this means half an hour. (Don’t be mad about this. It’s the same definition for you when it’s your turn to do some chores around the house.)
5. Thanks – A woman is thanking you. Do not question this or faint. Just say, “You’re welcome,” and let it go.
6. Loud Sigh – Not actually a word but rather a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. It means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is standing here wasting her time arguing with you about “Nothing.” (See #3)
7. Go Ahead – This is a dare, not permission. (Don’t Do It!)
8. Don’t worry about it, I got it – The second most dangerous statement a woman can make. It means that a woman has asked a man several times to do something and is now doing it herself. (This will result in you asking at a later date, “What’s wrong?” For the woman’s response, see #3.)
Men’s Secret Language…
1. I’m Going Fishing (translated) – “I’m going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety.”
2. Can I Help With Dinner (translated) – “Why isn’t it already on the table.”
3. Uh Huh, Sure Honey (translated) – “Absolutely nothing, it’s a conditioned response”
4. It Would Take Too Long To Explain (translated) – “I haven’t the foggiest.”
5. I Was Listening To You. It’s Just……..I Have Lot’s Of Things On My Mind (translated) – “Is that woman over there wearing a bra?”
6. Take A Break Honey, You’re Working Too Hard (translated) – “I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner”
7. That’s Interesting Dear (translated) – “Are you still talking”
8. You Know How Bad My Memory Is (translated) – “I remember the theme song to “F-Troop”, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, the license plate numbers of every can I’ve ever owned. I just forgot your birthday.”
9. I’ve Got My Reasons For What I’m Doing (translated) – “…..and I sure hope I think so some soon.”
10. I Can’t Find It (translated) – “I’m completely clueless as to where it’s at.”
11. What Did I Do This Time (translated) – “What did you catch me at.”
12. I Heard You (translated) – “I have no idea what you just said, and I am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don’t find out.”
13. You Know I Could Never Love Anyone Else (translated) – “I am used to the way you yell at me and I realize it could be worse.”
14. You Look Terrific (translated) – “Oh God, please don’t try on more clothes.”